why you should never fool around with Kirsty
by KahnShao
Summary: Kirsty opens the lament configuration to speak with pinhead on an important matter. rated T to be safe but some chapters will have an M rating. The chapters with the M rating will be listed below the title of the chapter.
1. The Summoning

**Why you should NEVER fool around with Kirsty Cotton**

**I do not own Hellraiser or any of its characters**

**Xipe Totec also known as Pinhead by his Gash and other denziens of Hell roamed the Labyrinth aimlessly. He was lost in thought but quite aware and at the ready should his master Leviathan need him. He rounded one corner when he heard the pleasant chime. Someone was opening the box. He was being summoned. Quickly he gathered the main members of his Gash; Female, Chatterer, and Butterball. His 3 closest friends.**

**He went through the portal along with his Gash and found Kirsty Cotton, his greatest most respected nemesis holding the lament configuration in her hands smiling smugly. Pinhead eyed her with little interest as one who has seen it all and done it all before. "We meet again child." Pinhead greeted. "Yes we have Pinhead, and this time its personal." Kirsty responded tartly. Pinhead's eyebrow raised slightly in subtle curiosity. Where was the frightened girl begging for her life; her very soul? **

**Pinhead began for the first time in his long life started to feel uneasy. "Intersting child, what is it you are thinking of?" Pinhead responded. Before Kirsty could respond a young child came running out straight to the pin-headed cenobite. "Daddy!" He yelled happily. Pinhead glanced down curiously at this child and back to Kirsty. He looked at her not understanding. "That is your son you bastard!" Kirsty yelled suddenly making the cenobites Pinhead included, jump in surprise. "What? NOOO!" Pinhead yelled back his dark eyes widened in surprise. He glanced back at his Gash. "Its not true. Guys its not true!" Pinhead stammered.**

**Female, Chatterer, and Butterball all laughed. "Congratulations Pinhead." Female laughed leaning on Chatterer for support. Pinhead looked at Kirsty and back to the small boy wrapped around his legs. No doubt the child was his. Gently he disengaged himself from the child fled back to Hell. "BULLSHIT!" Pinhead screeched and ran running as fast as he could away from Kirsty, his Gash, the child. He needed to consult Leviathan and see what to do.**

**All the while running to his master his mind kept replaying the event that happened 4 years ago. The one night of passion he had with Kirsty Cotton. Who knew that it would lead to this?**

'_**I know why you have come my son. You are concerned about the child that is the son of Kirsty Cotton. Be assured the child is yours; the night of passion of copulation you shared with the female human resulted in this child's birth. YOU are the child's sire and YOU will take responsibility for your actions. I will not have a human female screeching her head off in here looking for a deadbeat father. Angelique is bad enough.' L**_**eviathan intoned in its monotone voice.**

**Pinhead groaned inwardly. He was not the fatherly type. He didn't think that he would need to wear a condom because he was a totally different species than Kirsty. But then he remembered that even though Leviathan changed him he couldn't work miracles. He still had sperm and apparently could impregnate females of any species.**

**Pinhead sat down to think. He didn't need any of this. Really he didn't. He thought about asking about Merkova but decided against it. She and her Gash lived on the other side of Hell and he didn't know how she would react to him being the father of a half human half cenobite child. He didn't even know how she would react to him copulating with a human…not just any human but Kirsty Cotton.**

**Although not all of the cenobites knew Kirsty personally they knew OF Kirsty. And even though Pinhead wasn't too crazy about the human female, he didn't really wish her to come to any harm. Merkova was not one to mess around with. She was highly unpredictable and not too friendly. Worse in some ways than Pinhead.**

"**great. Now what the hell am I supposed to do? Pinhead growled angrily.**

**that's all I have for now. Was going to be a one shot but might make more chapters. **

**I wonder how Merkova will react to a human/cenobite child or Kirsty? (no in this story Merkova and Pinhead are not paired like they are in the comics)**


	2. Flashbacks

_**Flashbacks**_

_**(This entire scene will be in itallics for flashback mode. Rated M for mature themes)**_

_**Pinhead stood in the empty bedroom with Kirsty. Studying her, watching for her next move. Kirsty boldy walked to Pinhead completely unafraid. He couldn't tell maybe that it was likely only he and her were alone in the room or not. (His Gash waited just outside as per his instruction…he needed no help in disposing of this one female. Before he could even react she leaned in and kissed him full on the lips.**_

_**This stunned him. NO ONE in his cenobatic life has EVER dared to try and kiss him. Still being only male and still having desires did the only reasonable thing at that time…he kissed her back. Which was not an entirely disgusting experience as he once thought. Kirsty leaned into his kiss pressing her body against his. He felt the soft swell of her breasts pressing against his chest and felt her press her groin into his nether regions. He was fully aware of the familiar yet pleasant twinge signaling an erection.**_

_**Kirsty felt this too and moaned softly never taking her lips from his. Finally after what seemed forever she pulled back and undid the buttons of the blouse she was wearing. "I want to experience you before you take me away." Kirsty whispered quietly. Pinhead's eyes widened at the request and he gulped audibley and nodded. It had been so long since he had experienced the pleasures of a female. Her top once removed and discarded to the side revealed a black bra supporting two white milky breasts. The bra followed exposing her chest to the cenobite. **_

_**Pinhead was definatly interested now. A slight smile crept upon his lips as he stared at this topless female who was now undoing her pants and pulling them off. Pinhead managed to stay in one place although his cassock was beginning to feel a bit to small for him. 'I must request a new one from Leviathan once I get back. This one is getting to small.' He thought to himself trying to dismiss the logical reason as to why said cassock was too small at this time.**_

_**Kirsty was now removing her underwear and tossing it aside. She was now completely naked and at his mercy. Pinhead stared at this female slack jawed. "well what are you waiting for Pinhead a written invitation?" Kirsty asked seductively. Pinhead swallowed. "are you sure this is what you want?" he asked. Kirsty nodded. Pinhead was grinning now. He quickly removed his clothing and Kirsty gasped at how big and ready Pinhead was. "I ask you again child…are you sure?" Pinhead asked once more. He wanted to make sure Kirsty wanted this. **_

_**If she wanted to change her mind he would allow it. Even thought he was a monster with no mercy he was not one to rape women. That was beneath him and his 'code of honor.' She nodded again and looked down at his penis. "You're shaved….I mean leviathan shaved your…ewwww…I thought Leviathan was a male?" Kirsty asaked. Pinhead had to smile. "Yes. He's a male and no he didn't shave. I was placed into the cenobite transformation chamber and it did everything." Pinhead replied.**_

_**Pinhead walked over to her and gently laid her upon the bed his penis dangerously close to her core. "Wait. Do you have a condom?" she asked quickly. "A what? No. I am not even human anymore. My seed will do no harm." Pinhead replied softly. Kirsty nodded and readied herself for him. Pinhead gently slid into her as not to harm her. Kirsty gasped at his girth and enterance but it did not hurt. He began to thrust gently at first but quickly began to pick up his pace. Kirsty matched his movements exactly.**_

'_**If my friends dare enter when I am busy…' Pinhead thought viciously as he continued to do Kirsty. Their movements matched in sync with one another perfectly. Finally he could no longer contain himself and released his seed into Kirsty. Both sighed happily. Pinhead withdrew himself and lay beside Kirsty relaxing. Kirsty was defiantly satisfied and lay beside him nearly asleep.**_

_**Once she was asleep Pinhead got up, got dressed gently kissed Kirsty on the forehead and left quietly with his Gash. His Gash knew what he had done but no one dared make any mention of it. What he did to Kirsty was his business and his alone; they were just there to prevent her escape and to keep others from coming in to aid her should things get nasty. Pinhead and Gash returned to Hell and mentioned nothing. The only thing Pinhead had said about the incident was that he dealt with Kirsty and she no longer would pose a threat to their kind or plague them no more.**_

_**Chatterer went to ask Female what that meant but Butterball being the perverted guy he is simply replied "He got his junk dunked, beef queefed, he got laid." Female who was more feminine glared at Butterball for his choice of words. "He had sexual intercourse with Kirsty Cotton, I just hope he wore a condom because whether he knows it or not…he can get human females pregnant as well as cenobite females." Female explained. **_

**Well now we know what happened between Kirsty and Pinhead lol. More to come soon.**


	3. end result

**Should have, could have, would have but didn't**

**After running down the corridors of Hell away from Kirsty, his Gash, Leviathan, and his unknown son he began to think and reflecton what had happened. He KNEW he should have worn a condom when he had the night of passion with the human Kirsty. He was a fool to think otherwise. Even when he told his closest friend Female what had happened in privacy her first question was "did you wear a condom Xipe?" When he replied No, it went downhill from there. He received a stern lecture on the dangers of sexual intercourse with ANY human or sub/human of the opposite sex.**

**He sat down to think. How was he going to help support a child? Kirsty no doubt would expect him to get to know this child being as it was from his seed. And the child did look like him. He was normal size for a 4 year old, had pale skin and dark eyes like his father. He had potential. Maybe if he saw the child once per year on his birthdays, holidays and maybe even Christmas it would be enough. But then he realized females tended to demand that the fathers of their children spend as much time with said child(ren) as possible.**

**Pinhead himself didn't know how to be a father. He remembered very little of his own father and what he did remember was small and insignificant. What if Kirsty wanted to ****MARRY**** him? If Kirsty wanted him to watch her son for the day Pinhead knew it wouldn't work out that well. The Labyrinth was no place for a human…much less a child. He would be easy prey for the wildlife in the Labyrinth and if the child wandered off he could find himself in another cenobite's territory. **

**They would do do one of three things to the child if they got hold of him. One: raise him as their own and teach him their ways. Two: Leave him to his own devices and ignore him or Three: Kill him. All three scared the shit out of Pinhead. He didn't want his son to come to any harm. And if Merkova got hold of him she would kill him if given the chance. Pinhead knew the vicious cenobite hated humans with a passion. And if Merkova killed his son…he would kill the woman himself.**

**Meanwhile Kirsty had followed Pinhead into the Labyrinth and stopped to talk to the other cenobites about the situation. Kirsty and Pinhead's son whom she named Roc was walking towards the cenobite pet Chatterbeast who also walked to the child with interest. The dog like monstrosity had never encountered a child before. He knew of children of course and had seen human children in the 'looking pond' which allowed the denzions of the labyrinth to look upon the human world.**

**Chatterbeast did seem surprised that the child shown no fear when he approached the giant dog and petted him. Chatterbeast decided right then and there that he liked this boy and would defend him with his life if need be. Kirsty seemed at ease here for some reason and did not fear for her son's life as long as he was with his father or the gash. Female took her aside and spoke to her privately.**

"**You might want to take Roc out of the labyrinth for a while. I have just gotten a report from that fat ass butterball that a rival cenobite is nosing around our territory." Female warned Kirsty who became alarmed. "Who is it? If he harms my son…" Kirsty started. Female shook her head. "Not a he-a she. Her name is Merkova and she is EXTREMELY dangerous. You do not want to provoke her at any time. She despises humans and those not residents of the labyrinth. If she sees Roc there's no telling what she may do." Female responded back.**

**Kirsty swallowed and nodded. Female seemed almost scared of this Merkova. If she was dangerous as they said she was then maybe the labyrinth was not a good place for her son to be.**

**Next chapter Merkova starts nosing around Pinhead's territory.**


	4. Unwanted visitor

**Unwanted Visitor**

**(slightly more serious chapter)**

**Merkova walked right into Xipe Totec's part of the labyrinth. She walked with a purpose. The cenobite was tall for a female and wore the revealing leather outfit females often wore. Her head was bald save for a Mohawk hairstyle right down the center. Her feet were replaced by horse hooves which did nothing to impare her walking whatsoever. Her face was the most disturbing. Where she would have a normal face she had the snout of a horse skull. Grinning (it looked like she was always grinning) she walked right towards Female and the other two cenobites. **

**Instinctivly the others stood on guard at the ready. Chatterbeast stood next to Female and growled low in his throat. Merkova just shook her head and laughed. "Please. don't tell me you are going to set your hound on me." she chuckled. "Female's eyes narrowed. "What do you want Merkova? Need I remind you that you are in OUR territory." she asked. Merkova's eyes narrowed. Being spoken to like this was not something Merkova took kindly. "Watch yourself Nikkoleta. You just watch yourself. My business isn't with you. Its with….what is that smell?" Merkova suddenly asked.**

**The other cenobites glanced around. They were thankful that Kirsty had gotten herself and her son out of here. If they had not then Merkova would have killed them both. "What is your business her Merkova?" Female asked again sounding angry. Merkova's eyes narrowed. She was getting pissed off. "You have no respect Nikkoleta. That may have worked when you were human…but it does not work with me. I warn you for the last time WATCH HOW YOU FUCKING SPEAK!" she snarled taking a menacing step to the female cenobite. The other cenobites rushed forward to aid Female in the upcoming fight.**

**Merkova was at the ready and would have fought all 3 cenobites had not Pinhead returned. "So Merkova…what is it I can help you with…surely you are not threatening members of my gash being as it seems as If yours is not with you at this moment." Pinhead commented calmly. Merkova backed off. She could not win a fight against Pinhead himself. Her eyes narrowed slightly and she growled. "I smell human stench here. Since when do you have humans as 'pets?' Merkova asked. **

**Pinhead stared at her. "What I keep as pets is of no concern of yours Merkova. Now I give you the chance to leave peacefully. And in the future you will NOT threaten ANY member of my gash or those in my company." Merkova growled softly and went to walk away. Female couldn't resist. "You have a lovely day now Merkova…tell your human lover I said hello." Merkova whirled around suddenly glaring at Female with unbridled hatred. Female was just one step above humans as far as Merkova was concerned. "You'll get yours soon enough Xipe. Starting with Female and your human pets." Merkova nearly shrieked before leaving. Pinhead said nothing and kept his eyes cold and empty while he watched her leave. **

**He was glad Kirsty and their son made it out safely. He was strangely beginning to feel an attatchment to the two.**

**You know why Merkova hates you don't you as well as most anyone else? Butterball asked solemnly. Pinhead nodded. He knew very well why Merkova hated him and in a way he wished he could take it all back.**

**Read and review.**

***A/N: some chapters will be more serious than others. I will let you know which ones are more serious below the title of the chapter.**


	5. reason behind the hatred

**Reason behind the hatred**

**Pinhead knew damn well why Merkova hated him. In a way she brought in on herself but that did not end the guilt he somewhat felt for what he did. It happened several centuries ago but it felt as if it were just yesterday.**

_Flashback_

"_I'm not afraid of humans Xipe. I just never met them. That don't mean_

_I am scared". Merkova complained to the Pinheaded cenobite. Pinhead merely chuckled. "Then accompany me on the next round up then." Merkova narrowed her eyes. If there was anything else she despised was being told she was afraid. "I will. And then you'll see whose afraid." she snarled back. The two bickered back and forth until the colomns opened for them to go through. Pinhead allowed her to go first to "prove that she wasn't afraid." Merkova cautiously ventured forth not realizing that Pinhead was behind her preparing to give her a little push. As soon as Merkova went to take the final step into the human domain she felt a pair of hands push her on the back causing her to stumble forward. "AHHHHHH!" she screamed as she came face to face with a human. The human screamed also being as he never saw a woman with a skeletal horse muzzle melded unto her face. Merkova turned and ran the other way wanting to get the hell out of this crazy realm. The last thing she saw was Pinhead and his gash laughing hysterically as the gates closed trapping her in the human's domain until the next time the box opened._

_(end flashback)_

**Pinhead chuckled at that memory even though he felt guilty. It was Merkova's first encounter with humans so he thought a little introduction would be perfect. He did not know however she was terrified of humans. Even those whom were subdued and captured. She was scared to death of them. That brought along her hatred of the species. In fact if a human stood up to Merkova and went to fight her if she was on her own she'd turn tail and run.**

**Merkova stalked off by herself in her part of hell. 'Fucking Pinhead.' she thought to herself. She had seen whom the Pinheaded cenobite and bred with. It was that Cotton woman. And they had a half breed jackass freak. She shuddered. How can Pinhead stand to be with that Cotton woman anyway? She wasn't even a cenobite. And their kid….what. The. Fuck? Merkova chuckled to herself. 'They aren't worth my time.' but that don't mean I can't say shit to and about them.' Merkova thought to herself with a sly grin.**

**Merkova is terrified of humans. But Roc and her have a little encounter. Oh, boy.**


	6. The Encounter

**The Encounter**

**Merkova was still sulking off by herself somewhere within the labyrinth. If the other members of her gash knew she was scared of humans she'd be the laughing stock of Hell. She cursed to herself; cursing that she was terrified of humans. She got to her feet and wandered off to Pinhead's territory of Hell alone. She wanted to see what it was exactly that had Pinhead on defense mode. She carefully came around and hid behind a pillar watching in silence. She saw Kirsty Cotton, the members of the gash, and that little shit Roc. **

**She stared at Roc for a moment. He was kind of cute she guessed and if he wasn't human then she could see herself almost like him. Almost. The young boy looked in her direction as if he saw her…Merkova held back a shriek in her throat as he approached the frightened cenobite. He came closer grinning and walked up to her unafraid. "Whatcha doin?" He asked as he came to her. Merkoca growled. "Get. The. FUCK. Away. From. Me." she snarled. Roc giggled and came to her even quicker. Merkova shrieked and jumped clear over him stumbling to the ground. Quickly she jumped to her feet yelling in fear.**

**Roc's parents and the rest of the gash he was with stopped and looked at the spectacle. Kirsty being the over protective mother she was went to help her son. Pinhead held her back . "Merkova won't hurt him. Watch." he replied. Merkova was now running away from Roc clearly terrified. Roc grinning clearly enjoying this torment chased after her. **

**Merkova still shrieking in terror managed to scramble up a nearby tree holding on for dear life. If Roc could climb trees he would. Butterball, Female, and Chatterer just stood there staring at her in shock. Pinhead was in hysterics leaning into Kirsty for support and Kirsty just stared at the strange female cenobite clinging onto the tree still shrieking. "****"What the fuck..?"**** Kirsty whispered with a slight grin to her face. This was the first time she ever saw a cenobite terrified of humans. Finally Merkova was begging. "Please call him off. Please. Don't let him…AHHHHHHH don't touch me." she screamed as Roc managed to lightly touch her leg.**

**Pinhead was laughing and called off his "dangerous son." Merkova sighed a sigh of relief and slowly climbed back down the tree. Pinhead noticed this and grinned evilly. "Go get her Roc." He teased. Roc grinned and went back at her again bluffing this time. Merkova shot right back up the tree again loosing something that was a cross between a frightened cry and a moan.**

**Finally Pinhead called off his son. "What is Merkova's problem anyway? Why the hell is she so fearful?" Kirsty asked amused. Pinhead smiled. "I'll tell you the story soon." He replied. Then without really thinking he leaned in and kissed a very surprised Kirsty. Who very willingly returned his kiss.**

**Coming Soon: Pinhead tells the story of Merkova…and what will happen after the kiss Pinhead and Kirsty shared? Will it become a Pinsty couple?**


	7. Pinhead tells a story

**Pinhead tells a story**

"**So what is this story about that strange woman Pinny?" Kirsty asked. Pinhead felt his stomach go all flip floppy. If anyone of his friends called him Pinny he would have dunked them in the nearest toilet or dumpster. His funny feeling wasn't entirely unpleasant though. It felt as if he were walking on air whenever she came to visit him or spoke to him; he found that he liked it. "Well…it all started centuries ago…long before you were born." Pinhead began.**

Me and my gash were preparing to do our routine roundup being as some unfortunate human opened the box. When who should happen to appear-Merkova. She was being her boastful self and had just acquired a gash of her own that was just as stupid as she was. Except they weren't afraid of humans. I knew she was and so did my gash. She kept pestering us to take her with and we were refusing. At first. But then I figured we could take her with us and have some fun at her expense. If she saw a human we figured it would be hysterical to see her freak out and run amok.

**At this memory Pinhead began to laugh so it was hard to understand the last few words he was saying do to his laughing fit. However Kirsty, even though she found it funny at first didn't seem to think it so funny now. "So basically you tortured her for no reason. No wonder she is the way she is." Kirsty snipped. Pinhead stared at her for a moment. "Kirsty you don't understand…she started-" "I don't care if she started it." You terrified her." Kirsty interrupted. "but go ahead. Finish your story."**

Anyway, Female, Butterball, Chatterer and I were joined by Merkova. We waited patiently for the pillars to open and that's when she started out ahead of us. No big deal. When she was ahead that's when we made our move. We pushed her ahead of us and she literally flew into a human that opened the box. I don't know who was more scared him or her. It was so funny to see them run opposite ways of each other screaming that we decided to let him go. I nearly pissed myself laughing so hard. Merkova turned and ran back to the doorway but it was already closing. We pushed her back to prevent her from returning with us. Hey, we figured she could come back when the portal opened again. I have never laughed so hard in my entire life. Well there was that one time Butterball managed to fit into Female's clothing but being as you just ate I don't want to see half digested food fly everywhere.

**Pinhead began to laugh again. Kirsty just sighed and shook her head looking at the cenobite who was now literally rolling on the floor laughing. Members of his gash looked at him and then at Kirsty. Butterball wondered if she poked him in his belly. That was a ticklish spot you know….Butterball himself dissolved into laugher whenever anyone made a move to poke his belly.**

**Meanwhile**

**Merkova wandered about the Labyrinth alone. She felt silly for running away from Roc. She knew Roc wouldn't hurt her. He thought she was playing. In a way she was beginning to care for him (as if he were a younger brother). But she sure as hell wouldn't admit it to her gash or Pinhead for that matter. Kirsty had gotten fed up with Pinhead's crazed laughter and stormed off. She soon came across Merkova who had seen her as well. Merkova swallowed nervously and wanted desprately to run. But she was curious as well. **

"**Uhh, Hi." Kirsty said quietly. Merkova stared at her for a moment. "Hey." Merkova replied cautiously.**

**Coming soon: Merkova actually talks to Kirsty without freaking out…what is the end result**


	8. what did i do

**What did I do?**

**Pinhead could not understand why Kirsty was so pissed off at him. SHE wanted him to tell her the story; now that he had she had gotten pissed and went off to talk to Merkova. He sighed. For the life of him he could never understand women. Even when he was human they were always strange to him. He wanted to make things right with her so he could continue and see if there could be something between them so we went to see his best friend Female Cenobite. Being as she was female maybe she could help him figure it out. She was less than understanding. "We should have never laughed or did that to Merkova, but YOU should have never laughed telling the story to Kirsty. You of all people should know how she is." Female opined. "Nikki..I…well you were there too or have you forgotten?" Pinhead countered.**

**Female's eyes narrowed dangerously. Friend or not she did not like to be interrupted. "I have matured since then….you on the other hand….look. If you want to get back on Kirsty's good side then quit acting like a juvenile dick and be a man." Female argued back. With that she stomped off leaving a very confused Pinhead. Pinhead rolled his eyes and sighed. 'Women.' he thought to himself. He thought about going to Chatterer but that guy was off in his own world half the time. The only other one he could see was Butterball. Groaning he went to see his obese friend. "Kirsty'?" He asked in one sentence. Butterball looked at the pinheaded cenobite. "First off take a breath between words. Second, just appologize to Kirsty for laughing during your story. Let her know you were wrong for laughing and feel bad. Even if you don't. Then you must go apologize to Merkova. The rest of us have already except for you. This is the only way you can set things right." Butterball suggested. **

**Pinhead stared at his friend. He half expected his friend to say buy her chocolates or other candies to get her to calm down. He didn't know that Butterball could be so intellectual at times. Especially when it came to women. **

**Pinhead went to find Kirsty and found her sitting with Roc asleep beside her. She looked at Pinhead somewhat annoyed. "Uhhh….I'm s-s-s-s-orry for laughing ( ha haha) at the story I told you. I was wrong. Here. Here are some chocolate things. I'm going to to find Merkova and H-ha- ha appologize t-to her." Pinhead said trying to keep a straight face. Kirsty looked Pinhead for a moment. She could tell he was trying his best not to laugh and for her that was good enough for now.**

"**It wasn't funny Pinhead. Not after I got the whole story from her." Kirsty opined. Pinhead swallowed. He knew he was wrong. If it had happened to him he'd be upset too. He nodded understanding. He would have to set things right if he wanted a chance at Kirsty. **

'**I'll set things right. See if I don't'. great look at me. The prince of pain, The Dark Pope Of Hell, Xipe Totec, favored son of Leviathan going to appease a female. Kirsty Cotton. What have I become? At one time I would have never done such a thing. Now look at me. A shell. And why am I doing this? All because I love Kirsty Cotton. Damn.' He thought to himself**

**Pinhead stopped suddenly. It was because he loved Kirsty Cotton. He would apologize to the other woman. And if she did not accept his apology then that was on her. At least he made the attempt and apologized. Pinhead wandered off searching for the other woman when he began to think…would it be so wrong if he asked Kirsty to be his wife? Of course she'd have to change for her protection. Roc was half cenobite already and when he came of age he'd be full cenobite.**

**Why not? If he were married he'd be able to settle down and be a father to his young son. But how was he going to ask Kirsty to be his forever. What if she said no? if she said no would she agree to split custody of Roc? 6 months with his mother and 6 months with his father? He was the boy's father and wanted to be a part of his life as well as Kirsty's. He just had to figure out a way to ask Kirsty. This is something he would have to do on his own.**

**Coming soon: Pinhead wants to be more than just friends with Kirsty, will she accept?**


	9. dinner and a proposal

**Dinner and a Proposal**

**Pinhead figured that he would invite Kirsty over for dinner. Just the two of them. He arranged ahead of time to have Female keep an eye on Roc for a few hours. He prepared everything. Salad and Breadsticks for the appetizer, soup as a filler, then roast beef with vegetables, mashed potatoes, garlic bread, a red wine, and for desert fudge squares topped with vanilla ice cream with hot fudge sauce. (damn that's making me hungry).**

**He had the table set up with candlelight and soft music playing in the backround. He made sure everything was in its place and ready to go. Now all he had to do was invite Kirsty. (which was remarkably easy being as Pinhead said he needed to discuss something of great importance with Kirsty and offered to have Female watch Roc for a few.) Kirsty accepted and went to see what had Pinhead all worked up. 'He's definatly weird. But he is cute.' Kirsty thought to herself. When Kirsty met Pinhead me went over to her in his usual demeanor. "Kirsty, I was wondering if you would like to uh-I mean do you want to have…dinner with me?" he asked wrinkling his nose at the end.**

**Kirsty stiffled a laugh. "Ok. Pinhead. I'll have dinner with you." she smiled. Pinhead nearly jumped for joy as he led her to the dining area. The food was set up on a hellish looking table but it smelled good and Pinhead promised it was safe to eat. No maggots would pop out of any of the good things to be eaten. While they ate Pinhead pulled something out of his pocket and came around the table to her side. His eyes were coal black and deadly intent. Kirsty went on guard mode out of instinct. Pinhead glared down at her then knelt down on one knee; pulling out a strange box from his pocket he opened it up presenting it to Kirsty. **

**The diamond was gorgeous. It was unlike anything seen on earth. "Kirsty Cotton, would you do the honor of being my wife for all eternity?" Kirsty stared in shock at Pinhead and at the ring he was offering her. She swallowed once before answering:**

"**Pinhead…."**

**Coming soon: what is Kirsty's answer to Pinhead's proposal? Find out soon in the next chapter.**


	10. and the answer islets party

**And the answer is…Lets party!**

**Kirsty stared at the sparkling diamond before her, Pinhead still on his knee. She had to admit this diamond was unlike anything she had ever seen before. She swallowed nervously before stating her answer. "Yes Pinny. Yes I will marry you." she smiled getting up and embracing a very stunned and pleased Pinhead. Preparations were made immediately. All the females (Merkova included) helped Kirsty prepare and hold a batchlorette party. The guys got together and held a bachlor party for Pinhead. **

**Amongst the group was Butterball, Chatterer, Pistonhead, CD, Camerahead, Barbie, Frank and Channard. "Hey dude, you might as well get your junk dunked one last time. I mean once your married Cotton's gonna have you by the balls." Pistonhead suggested. Pinhead rolled his eyes. "I am NOT partaking in sexual intercourse with another female for the last time. I'll have you know that I am going to be faithful.." Pinhead growled. All the males burst out laughing. "At least have a drink with us. You can't say you don't want to have a little bit of fun." Frank groaned. "Please. Like you have fun with Stitch? Come to think of it does she even know you are here? Last time she kicked your ass halfway-" Camerahead was cut off before he could continue. **

"**Shut the fuck up. Me and Stitch are doing fine." Frank put in nervously. For one so big and bad, he was scared shitless of his wife. At first he loved her dominance. But now it terrified him. Pinhead groaned inwardly and took a deep gulp of his drink to settle things. He found that the drink had a foul taste to it at first and wondered why humans drank this. He figured after a while it wouldn't taste so bad. He was right. About 20 Vodka, 30 EverClear, 25 Rum, and 10 beers later it tasted damn good. He staggered to his feet and walked over to Frank with a big sloppy grin on his face.**

"**Ummm Xipe, you do know I'm married right? Remember? To Stitch?" Frank stammered nervously hoping his wife wouldn't show. If she did she'd kick both their asses. But luckily she was with his niece helping her prepare for her wedding.**

"**." Pinhead stated loudly and then laughed at his own words. He drank even more and decided to strip down to his birthday suit and put a lampshade on his head swaying his hips his manhood flopping all around. Pistonhead thought this as hilarious and grabbed his video camera taping the entire thing until Pinhead sashayed up to him and poor Pistonhead got a full camera view of what made Pinhead a man up close and personal.**

"**… Ha ha ha, wasn't that funny?" Pinhead shrieked laughter. Pistonhead fell ass backwards in horror. "DUDE! I. AM. WITH. DREAMER!" Pistonhead all but yelled in horror which caused the other guys to burst out laughing. Pinhead went for more drinks on a personal mission to out drink everyone at the party.**

**Elsewhere…**

"**I wonder how Pinhead's party is going." Kirsty asked. "You don't want to know." Stitch replied. "Just be thankful you aren't getting married today…speaking of which where the hell is Frank? I wanna…" she trailed off. Merkova rolld her eyes. "we can do without knowing that you are getting aroused thank you." Merkova growled. Stitch opened her mouth to reply to Merkova's comment with a comment of her own about Merkova's lack of know how in the romance department but decided to keep quiet.**

"**Pinhead gets weird when he's had too much to drink." Nikoletta put in hoping to help the situation. "He's not going to touch another female. He just gets weird." she added seeing Kirsty's concern. The women returned to their party sipping wine and talking about their male counterparts. Stitch grinned. She had drank too much and was now wanting to tell her friends about Frank's 'performances.' He's about 7" long standing at attention and 5" when he's at rest. But he's sooooo gooood." she said dreamily out of the blue causing her friends to look at her. 'Uhhh… ok then…' Kirsty thought to herself. Scooting away from the buzzed cenobite. "Five bucks says she orgasms right here." Merkova whispered to Nickoletta. Nickoletta turned annoyed at Merkova. **

"**As if YOU would ever know. I mean seriously." Nickoletta replied joking. Merkova held back the hurt look and muttered some sort of insult back. "She was joking Merkova…calm down." Kirsty said trying to dissolve the situation before it escellated. Merkova shrugged and went on her business of watching Stitch making a fool of herself. After a few more drinks the females decided to call it a day and rest before the big day.**

**Elsewhere**

**Pinhead was shit-faced falling down drunk and had to be helped to Pistonhead's couch to sleep it off. The other guys had gone off to their own places except for Frank who had met up with Stitch and came back to sleep over at Pistonhead's to help out in the morning and do "other things" much to the displeasure of Pistonhead. (thankfully they were in the guest room and kept relatively quiet.) Pinhead's last thought were before he fell asleep completely was that he was going to be married to Kirsty forever and spend eternity with her. He set his alarm for 7:30 in the morning to allow time to get a shower in and dressed for his big day. Little did he know that cenobites can get hung over as well. And Pinhead was no exception. He had never had been much of a drinker in his entire life as a human or even a cenobite. **

**How will Pinhead handle being drunk AND hungover the next day? Will it ruin his chances of being with Kirsty?**


	11. wedding day blues

**Wedding Day Blues**

**Pinhead found himself being shaken awake by a frantic Pistonhead. Upon awakening he also found himself hung over, only he didn't experience the headaches normal folk experienced after a night's hard drinking. He was still drunk from the night before. "Dude, wake the fuck up! Its 12:00 p.m. weren't you supposed to be hitched at 10 am?" Pistonhead yelled. Pinhead shot straight up and nearly fell over on his ass. 'ZOMGWHATTHEHELL!" Pinhead stammered. Quickly he regained his footing and somehow managed to get dressed (with the aid of Pistonhead) into his tux. He hoped Kirsty would understand and still want to marry him. He hoped he didn't mess everything up.**

"**What do I tellz her? O-o-o- I know! I tell her that I got stuck in the toilet." Pinhead squeaked jumping up and down. Pistonhead palm faced himself. Of all the stupid…**

**Meanwhile all the ruckus had awoken two more guests. Frank and Stitch. Frank came out of the room in his boxers and Stitch stumbled out wrapped in a blanket she came behind him and wrapped her arms around him smiling contentedly. "Guys! Pinhead's late for the wedding!" Pistonhead yelled. Frank turned and ran back into the guest room to see what else Pinhead could use for his wedding. Stitch simply yelled "OH SHIT! DAMMIT! FRAAAAAANK!" She dropped her blanket revealing her to be very much naked….much to the disgust of Pistonhead and Pinhead. Sure they both cared for but only as a brother/sister type relationship. Stitch turned and ran back into the bedroom to help Frank find a few things.**

**Meanwhile**

**Kirsty was near panic mode wondering where Pinhead was. Nikoletta was trying to maintain calmness and keep Kirsty calm as well although Nikki wanted to kill Pinhead for being late. Merkova was hanging out with Roc as a favor to Kirsty and the two were already thinking of mischief they could do to the caterers. (yes..Merkova overcame her fear and was rather fond of Roc) "He'll be here Kirsty. Xipe may be a lot of things but he'll be here." Angelique offered. Kirsty managed to keep calm for her friends although she vowed once the wedding was done, then there would be some ground rules that must be adhered to.**

**Elsewhere**

**Pinhead had run, rather loped along after Pistonhead and the rest of the guys to the chapel where Leviathan would preside over the wedding and Kirsty's transformation. Kirsty looked to the side in time to see her son Roc and Merkova picking at a caterer. "Merkova and Roc, quit fucking with the caterer!" she hissed. Merkova and Roc looked at each other. "EW. Fucking with the caterer?" Merkova asked. Roc giggled. "yeah mommy says fuck when she's angry. But your not supposed to say fuck." Roc answered.**

**Merkova grinned. Why does your mom hiss? Does she do that when she's angry?" Roc grinned. "Uh huh…she wrinkles her nose and hisses. But only when she's pissed." Roc added. Merkova stiffled a laugh.**

**Shortly after Pinhead burst through. "Fuckins! I'm late." Pinhead howled causing everyone to jump. Kirsty now understood why her future husband was late. He was plain old drunk off his ass. Probably from the night before. 'Nice going ball sniffing butt licker.' Kirsty thought to herself. Pinhead walked up to Kirsty somehow without falling and grinned sheepishly. "sowwy I late." Pinhead slurred. Kirsty shook her head and grinned. She couldn't be angry at her Pinhead.**

**The vows went through without a hitch and Pinhead wisely stayed away from liqour during Kirsty's transformation. He would drink later on with his cenobite wife. He wanted to remain sober for this occasion. Later on that night after the transformation Pinhead and Kirsty now known as Dark Queen lay resting side by side. Roc had fallen asleep in his room with Chatterbeast. His father's faithful companion. **

"**You know, now that we are married…there are a few rules we must go over for both of our sakes." Dark Queen stated. Pinhead raised a curious eye to his wife. "Oh? And what makes you think that?" he grinned. Dark Queen smiled evilly. "If you want to keep what makes you a man then yes." she smiled snuggling next to him. Pinhead swallowed nervously.**

"**Rule One." she started.**


End file.
